Question: Which language sounds the most like farts?
Short answer: Norwegian.
Long answer: One of our ongoing research projects concerns the possibility of transmitting messages through farts. We have previously found that this can be done with amplitude modulation or with variations on Morse code. Both of these approaches involve transforming fart sounds into something that can be understood by the human ear.
Only recently has it occurred to us that fart sounds, in unaltered form, might contain speech sounds. We stumbled upon this discovery by farting while using the “dictation” feature of a popular word processing program. This is a feature that attempts to convert spoken words to written text. Interestingly, the software transcribed the fart as, “Yes hey.”
This motivated us to attempt to decode other farts, using our extensive database of fart sounds. While we have not attempted to transcribe every fart into every available language, our results thus far suggest a few salient observations.
First, the “dictation” feature of our software does not detect language in most farts. However, when it does transcribe a fart into one language, it usually transcribes it in other languages as well. Here is an example:
This is transcribed as “nei” in Norwegian (which means “no” in English). In Korean, the same fart is transcribed as “가”, which means “Go”. We generally find that fart sounds are most readily transcribed into the Norwegian language, with Korean being a close second.
Here is another example of a fart that has meaning in Korean. It also happens to be one of our favorites:
In Korean, this is transcribed as “아 아 아”, which in English is “Ahhh.” In Chinese, the same fart is transcribed as, “哦哦”, which means “Oh oh.”
Many other farts are transcribed into words that mean either “What” or “Hey”, and in this sense our Fart Decoder is reminiscent of a Gary Larson cartoon:
We did however find some farts that contained more interesting messages. Here is one example:
This is transcribed in Korean as, “아 아”, which means “Iced coffee”.
We suspect that many farts have similar messages embedded in them, and it remains to be seen what these farts are trying to tell us.