Editor’s note: One of our readers recently alerted us to the existence of a heretofore unknown farter with truly impressive skills. We have verified that his farts are real human farts, using our Flatus Reflector technology.
Although this person is not a professional in the same sense as Mr. Methane, he has spent some time honing his craft and graciously agreed to talk to us about his methods. The interview was conducted in German, because the Ringer, as we call him, does not speak English. Translation by Google.
Benengeli: Greetings. Tell us a little bit about yourself.
Benengeli: Great stuff. But can you explain how you are able to produce such impressive farts?
The Ringer: It’s a matter of positioning and practice. One must ideally be flat on one’s back with legs elevated. Then the most important factor is to develop Rektumflötenklemme*.
Benengeli: Who inspired you to develop your farting skills?
The Ringer: As child, I read that Andre the Giant once produced a fart of 16 seconds, and I determined to fart longer.
Benengeli: What do you think about the scientific work of the College?
The Ringer: I don’t know much about college.
Benengeli: Do you find farts funny?
The Ringer: When people fart at David Hasselhoff, I am laughing.
Benengeli: I would be remiss if I didn’t ask if you had a favorite fart. Do you?
The Ringer: Yes, here it is:
* Benengeli: This term does not appear to have an exact translation in English, but Google renders it as “Rectum flute clamp”.