Benengeli: Greetings. How are you today?
Cletus: I’ve been hallucinating. My head is just killing me.
Benengeli: Does one need a lot of training to become a flatologist?
Cletus: Not for the kind of research we do. For example, I’m no botanist, but I do know that if you put water on plants, they grow.
Benengeli: How would you describe your attraction to fart research?
Cletus: A pimp’s love is very different from that of a square.
Benengeli: How does it feel to be one of the world’s experts on farts?
Cletus: It’s not easy. You think Einstein walked around thinking everyone was a bunch of dumb shits?
Benengeli: Are you concerned that your work will be frowned upon by polite society?
Cletus: Sure, but do you really want to live in a world where you try to blow up the one person that’s trying to help you?
Benengeli: What are your goals for the ICEF?
Cletus: There was a time in this country, a long time ago, when people wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!
Benengeli: I would be remiss if I didn’t ask if you had a favorite fart in the collection. Do you?
Benengeli: I appreciate your taking the time to talk to me today.
Cletus: Wait. Why am I still here?